Do Women Really Want Mr. Nice Guy?
Dear Friends,
Earlier this week, during my usual afternoon procrastination time, I came across a crabby young man on an insta-tok video complaining about his lack of ability to land himself a date. “I’m a nice guy,” he exclaimed. “Women don’t really want the nice guy like they say. They want the a-hole. Nice guys really do finish last.”
As a romcom reader and writer, you know my mind went directly to the tried-and-true grumpy/sunshine trope, and it got me wondering—was this unkempt whiny boy-man right? Did women really want the a-hole and not the nice guy?
And it occurred to me that the answer is a resounding YES . . .and NO.
Hear me out.
The problem this Tinder-swiper faces is not one of nice guy vs a-hole. His problem is that women are discerning the difference between the nice guy and a kind guy. And there is a difference.
Let me explain—
The nice guy is the guy at the party topping off everyone’s drinks. He’s working the room, shouting “the more the merrier” as people flow through the front door. He’s got all the jokes, and he flirts with everyone.
The kind guy will take your keys and your cup when you’ve had enough. The kind guy holds your hair in the bathroom and makes sure you have a safe ride home.
The nice guy will ask you how you felt the next morning when he sees you at the next party. The kind guy calls you the next day. The nice guy rides the wave of popularity, and lets the tide take him wherever it swells. The kind guy is an anchor, steady in the crashing waves, even as the tide moves away from him. Nice will do the popular thing, but Kind will do the right thing.
See, Friends, what our Sad Single doesn’t realize is that “nice” is superficial. It’s easy to be nice in a moment of time. But being kind—that’s a commitment. That’s a lifestyle, and kindness doesn’t always wear a smile, and will sometimes, yes, be grumpy.
So, to answer Mr. Down in Dating’s question — no, women don’t really want Mr. Nice Guy. Women want Mr. KIND Guy—even if, at first glance, he might appear like the a-hole.
Okay, enough procrastinating for me this afternoon. Back to work.
Until next time,
